MOMA 2003 – The Story Behind The Story
The Teams:
Twin Ports Amusements sent down a group of sixteen guys to the 2003 MOMA (Minnesota Operators of Music and Amusements) Dart Tournament. Everyone competed in six events; Team '01, Team Cricket, Doubles '01, Doubles Cricket, Singles '01, and Singles Cricket.
Team Hollinday: Brett Hollinday, Scot Hollinday, Steve ‘Smitty Smith, Jarrod Walker
Doubles: Brett & Smitty, Scot & Jarrod
Team Smashers: Ron Baker, J.J. Elder, Steve ‘Poo' Pampuch, Kirk Seguin
Doubles: Poo & Baker, J.J. & Sega
Team Glock 9: Pete Jouppi, Trevor Hillstrom, Jemal Broussard, Troy ‘Bump' Clark
Doubles: Pete & Trevor, Jemal & Bump
Team ‘Mongers: Mark Wagemaker, Chris Nord, Ken Lopez Darrin Barker
Doubles: Mark & Chris, Ken & Darrin.
Our Arrival:
A caravan of trucks followed by Nord's yellow speed bump arrived at the Comfort Inn in Mankato just before 10pm. Some elected to sleep before beginning this four-day event at the Mankato Civic Center. For the rest of us, there was only enough time to haul in the coolers and J.J. proof the rooms before beginning our quest to rate the local drinking establishments. J.J., you see, has this odd habit of smashing into solid objects at a rapid pace – usually impacting in the head and spinal regions. Therefore, strategically placing breakable objects before serving any Captain Morgan is a necessary process.
Busters Sports Bar, across Madison Avenue from our hotel, was our final stop on Wednesday night. Good burgers and steak, lines of big screen televisions, and a couple dartboards made this a common destination throughout the weekend. Ignoring the limited hours until the 2003 MOMA Dart Tournament, I joined Jemal Broussard, Jarrod Walker, and Ken Lopez for some drinks in the Smashers' room after bar close early Thursday morning. J.J. proceeded to mix us all a drink that could melt the threads off a dart tip. A single drink that exceeded Kenny's alcohol limit for the entire weekend. Still, us professional drinkers reported back to the Smashers room to finish ourselves off the next three nights as well.
The Tournament:
The general format of all doubles and singles events is similar. Players are broken up into levels according to league average (Usually around 6 levels). Each level is separated into 8 brackets of 12 to 16 players/teams. Each bracket plays a double-elimination tournament down to the two top players/teams. Two advance from each bracket, creating a 16-team double-elimination tournament for the championship of each level. On Thursday and Friday the doubles events started at 8am. The championship tournaments for the advancing teams began at 2pm, and the singles events started at 6pm.
Team events are similar, separating the field into 6 levels. Each level is separated into 4 or 8 brackets of 5 to 8 teams each. . However, each bracket plays a round robin for qualification rather than a double elimination tournament. Saturday's Team '01 competition had 8 divisions in each level – with 2 teams advancing from each into a 16-team double elimination tournament for the level championship. Sundays Cricket tourney had 4 divisions in each level, with 8 teams advancing to the championship tournament.
Four Long Days:
For those who have never experienced such a tournament, it is easy to overlook how taxing such a day can be. Every player has his own set of complaints. Some have sore feet from hours of standing on concrete, for others it is the elbow, shoulder, ankles, and in my case knees. The only guy I do not recall any complaints from is Smitty – the oldest bastard of our entire group! Of coarse, at his age the joints probably all ache naturally. Sorry Steve, but since you avoid the stupidity of drunkenness, I must find other ways to prod.
This brings me to the most popular dart excuse of all time. Severe drunkenness. An odd reason to give – from players who boldly claim their game improves while drinking. This does feed directly into my ‘Dart Curve' theory. It is possible to derive a mathematical formula, predicting the slow rise of throwing ability with alcohol consumption. However, your typical statistical curve peaks and then slowly drifts back down. That is not the case with the Dart Curve. One drink past the summit is a bottomless cliff. Only players who learn to balance on the edge of that cliff can truly master the game of darts. Those who step over the edge become ‘Stumble-ina'; the staggering fool who squanders his remaining brain functions on the struggle to stand upright with a toe on the line. Don't be that guy.
Round after round of grueling games, and matches won by a dart or two also create a great mental exhaustion. This fatigue multiplies exponentially on the third and fourth consecutive day – especially for those allowing J.J. to mix their drinks. By the time championship rounds are reached endurance becomes a huge factor. By Sunday afternoon I was sporting the classic jelly arm. Staying in proper form was comparable to shooting pool with a rope. I managed to disappoint my teammates in a way that only Viking fans could appreciate.
Water-Sports 2003:
Some memories of the 2003 MOMA will carry on for years. A particular waitress at Busters Sports Bar had a quick wit and sarcastic sense of humor that challenged eleven drunks. J.J. injuring himself only once – while attempting to climb out of the hot tub – is worth noting as well. This is far below average for J.J., but still acceptable in his current physical condition.
Water-Sports 2003 is also a notable non-dart event. It takes little more than a swimming pool and a couple Nerf footballs to supply quality entertainment 3 days into a good binge. The hotel had generously supplied the pool with toys – including a Nerf ball. This unit lasted approximately 15 seconds – causing Jarrod to rush to the local Wal-Mart for a couple replacement units. The other Hotel guests appeared unimpressed by the ensuing chaos – as they grabbed their children and ran for the doors. I wish I could determine a winner of Water-Sports 2003. Unfortunately, the rules were rather vague. The longevity of red welts created by a saturated Nerf football hitting bare skin at 120mph is a prime factor in awarding victory. However, with no official timing system the gold medal still remains under dispute. When the games were complete the Comfort Inn sun room looked like Hurricane backwash – with miscellaneous chunks of greenery and Nerf balls littering the room. Looking back, it seems Hotel management remained unimpressed as well.
Failure Under Pressure:
I would like to thank team ‘Monger for taking me under their wings – in a futile effort to make a real dart player out of me. On Monday nights they continue to guide me down the path of the ‘Monger. Whenever I become confused I can flashback to Mankato, and the wise words of Master Wage-son. “Other paths may tempt you. Your journey can only be completed when you focus your energies and follow the path of the ‘Monger . . . HEY! . . Quit swatting your darts at that fly and listen to me!”
Despite the patience of Master ‘Monger, complete failure at the moment of truth was an overwhelming theme of the tournament. Self-destruction in the prominent deciding game for both Team 501 and Team Cricket were the lowest moments of all. But what fun would darts be if I cannot look back and laugh about it all now – even if the ‘Mongers do not renew my contract!
Saturday morning was a struggle. The accuracy it took me over three matches to develop suddenly disappeared between rounds of the championship tournament that early afternoon. My fellow ‘Mongers will never let me forget the embarrassing display I put on in our elimination match against Team Hollinday. Down 0-2 in a race to 3, I was player one in the game to save our playoff lives. For a good bull shooter '01 starts should be easy wins. But the center of the board skillfully avoided my darts as I racked up a stunning 14.2 points per dart, giga-froze my partner, and ended the day for our entire team. On Sunday for the encore - just to prove it can be done - I whiffed three shots at the bull's-eye when a single hit would have moved us one win away from the money round.
I stood in disgrace – feeling like a penny waiting for change – as the ‘Monger patch was striped from my sleeve. Luckily, I drove myself to Mankato! “You better write about this on Superior Darts!” Mark ordered as the ceremony was completed.
We did strike a deal. Mark agreed to write an article describing how the local players finished in the four days of tournaments. In return, I promised to wallow in my failure. Did I do well, Master Wage-son, or must I continue to whine?
Darrin Barker
March 19th, 2003 |